Saturday, January 20, 2007

i think i want i am?

"when you write a poem
i know the words
i know the sounds
before you write it down

when you wear your clothes
i wear them too
i wear your shoes
and the jacket too

i always knew you
in your mother's arms
i have called you son...

rest in my arms
sleep in my bed
there's a design to what i did and said

rest in my arms
sleep in my bed
there's a design to what i did and said..."

- sufjan stevens "vito's ordination song" (from michigan)


i was thinking about my life and how things have been going lately. i've only been an official college graduate for a year and some months. almost 2 years, actually. i've been across the sea to see great things, i've been playing music with some very great people, i've made some remarkable friends, and i've been happy. i've noticed things about me that have changed, i'm welcoming some of those things. i'm warding off other things i don't want to have hanging around my person.

in that song, sufjan says something like, "i've an idea placed in your mind to be a better man..." and i am so glad that he wrote that line. its such a great reminder that i don't have dreams/feelings/fears for no reason at all. i have urges and i take delight in certain things b/c someOne gave them to me. i believe this, anyway. lots of folks would disagree, but i want that to be true for my life.

i like that i was made with growing parts that need to continually be fed and nourished so i can be a living, growing individual. i love that so much. i'm growing right now. (freaky.) i'm living right now. (wild.) right? and i can't and shouldn't be neutral or complacent. i'll end up withering.

in the passed few months i don't think i've given god enough credit for the way things have (haven't) been going these days. i belive he wants things to go well. i believe god wants me to be "a better man" like sufjan says in that song. and that feels good. that's all i have to do, is trust that and live like that.

bobby and i had a talk today about responsiblities. yesterday (thrusday), he was a little punkish to me and his mom. it usually happens on thursdays that he just won't cooperate with anyone. so, we talked about what he knows is right, who he can and can't blame for his troubles, etc, etc. the moral of the story came down to: all you have to worry about is being yourself. and being yourself well. everything... EVERYTHING else, is a sort of consequence of that effort. or something.


so... i'm trying to be more of a person/individual/creature that god could see and say, "hey... that looks familiar." or "now, that's unusual. carry on."


lindsay holler & dirty kids ep almost done. we'll be on the road (touring) soon.
morimoto record is in the mastering process. we'll be printing those babies up and touring soon too, hopefully.
i'm trying to get to europe again. sometime soon.
if you want a copy of my 1st zine, leave me a comment with the word "go" in it somewhere.