i've been thinking again.
i went to a funeral today. the wife of the pastor of the church my family and i attended back home died last week. her name was dorothy carter. she was also the grandmother of a good friend of mine. a friend named kim. once upon a time, kim and i were boyfriend and girlfriend. we survived high school together in two seperate cities. we were very young and silly. today i saw kim and she didn't look at all silly, and definitely older. i met her beautiful baby, zoe, today as well, who is only a few months old.
on the drive to walterboro this morning i was thinking about life and death and how they're not really seperate things. they happen in different stages, but really... its like a line with a start and an ending. that's how i thought about it today anyway.
the drive from charleston to walterboro is about 40 minutes. when i get in my car, by the time i'm a 1/4 of the way back home, i see the end. i can see myself getting out, i can see my mom's house. one trip. that's a heavy way to think about life. one trip.
i know that if you're a buddhist or hindu, rather, you're into re-incarnation and such. but i lean more towards the life and afterlife philosophy. usually. today, it was tough. lately, its been tough too. "this is it. is this it? i think this is it. this is life." thinking like that makes me want to strive for something bigger and better and more meaningful and honest. why not?
I AM RAMBLING.
i like this (almost cheesy) tina turner song b/c its about not 'living under the fear until nothing else remains...' and getting up and living. especially after tragedy and huricanes and thunderdomes. its so late that i'm probably not making sense. i'll be ending this soon.
"SO WHAT DO WE DO WITH OUR LIVES
WE LEAVE ONLY A MARK
WILL OUR STORY SHINE LIKE A LIGHT
OR END IN THE DARK
IS IT ALL OR NOTHING?
WE DON`T NEED ANOTHER HERO
WE DON`T NEED TO KNOW THE WAY HOME
ALL WE WANT IS LIFE BEYOND
and in a cheesy 80s rock-n-roll sort of way, i raise my rock fist and gently nod my head with tina, b/c i know that we have all we need, we don't need any more maps or formulas. i would like to think that where my hope is should be where my treasure is too. and if its not here, i can't leave it, i guess. i would like to believe that. its hard sometimes.
you should really f_in' love somebody today.
oh, and i saw my mom today. that was good.
pray for the ones you love.