but i got pictures. i have lots of pictures. tonight i spent from 12 - 2am walking around charleston streets in pursuit of emptiness. the kind of emptiness you find in city streets and parking garages with no cars in them. the kind of emptiness that displays a sort of quietness with it. i like quietness sometimes. its a strange feeling to see traffic lights flashing for no reason.
the reason for my trip: i just felt like walking. i spent the evening with friends earlier but didn't feel like sleeping right away. the weather was very calm and almost tasty. i decided walked and think like i often do, taking my walkman.
on my trip, i listened to a bjork song called "unravel" on repeat. she sings: while you are away my heart comes undone/ slowly unravels in a ball of yarn/ the devil collects it with a grin/ our love in a ball of yarn/ so when you come back we'll have to make new love
as i listened/thought/walked, i was overwhelmed for a moment with feelings of uncertainty of my near future as a college graduate and my shaky academic performance this passed year. and all of the time, just thinking about the weather and how calm it was and the music and how slow it was moving. i wondered about god in all of his greatness and attempted to pray. that's all i did, really, is attempt. nothing came out. i just felt. i felt everything.
here's wear the soundtrack provided by bjork becomes important. while listening to her singing and moaning and breathing with her unique enunciation, i was reminded of when of some chapters in the bible where a guy named paul talks about the holy spirit doing things for us like "interceding" and communicating with god with "groaning" and ways words can't express. i thought about the holy spirit being a comfortor and a friend until jesus meets us again. (the lyrics should serve some relevance here.) so, i just walked and breathed. i felt that god knew my thoughts more than i could ever put into words.
i've concluded that bjork's music is spiritual in that way to me. the groaning and the waiting reminded me that i can do the same.
its very late so i'm not sure how much of this is coherent.
i leave for home tomorrow. or in a few hours.
this is a lot longer than i inteded.
∞
